I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
