My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
