Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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