ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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