What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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