He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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