I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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