Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
