Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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