I hate your face
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
