ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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