I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
