Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
