Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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