i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...