I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie