i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.