I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.