Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.