It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
