He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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