Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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