I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
