I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
