i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I've blown a few things in my day
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
