Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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