...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
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We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
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He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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