Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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