I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
