so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
