I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
