Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
