I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
