Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
