she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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