I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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