We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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