Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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