she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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