hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
