the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
