3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize