He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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