dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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