btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
