My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
