That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
