I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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