She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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