So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
