You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
