Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
