I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
