Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
