I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize