Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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