I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
