so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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