Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
