it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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