Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
