Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Come back. Shots need mouths.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
