Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
