the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
