dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
