after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
