you traded sex for a burrito?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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