I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
