Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
