i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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