It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
