have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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