He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I see more hoeing in ur future
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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