i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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